Being Patient

As I sit here writing this blog post, Constance is displaying a lovely (/sarcasm) 48 mg/dL with a southeast arrow.  I woke up at 153 mg/dL, so a correction combined with my morning cereal insulin has me on a downward slope this morning.  I just drank my toddler size strawberry kiwi juice box, and now . . . I'm waiting. 

I've wrote before that the typical 15/15 rule doesn't work for me.  It usually takes me 30 minutes to recover from a low.  And it takes all my might to not keep drinking juice or eating candy in order to feel better.  It's akin to pushing the "Close Door" button on the elevator.  (I'm convinced those buttons don't actually work; they're just there for impatient people like me.)  Even though I KNOW I need to let the juice do its thing and I KNOW drinking more will send me over-correcting later on, I just can't justify the way I'm feeling--fuzzy head, shaking, sweaty, irritable--with the action of doing nothing.  I'm sitting here with the fear of passing out and my prescribed action is to take 3 sips from this box and sit for 30 minutes?! 

I'm not a very patient person, in general.  I'm constantly feeling like I'm late for something or that I should be doing something.  Just sitting and waiting is not my personality (though, having an endo with an average wait time of 45 minutes has helped with that some).  I left home when I was 18-years-old because I couldn't wait to start my own life.  I took summer classes all 4 years of college because I couldn't wait to start grad school.  I annoyed my graduate advisor with reading my thesis draft because I couldn't wait to graduate and look for a job.  And, I must admit, I bugged Trey for an engagement ring because I couldn't wait to get married.  Waiting, patience, sitting--these terms are part of my vocabulary, but not my DNA. 

So it is understandable that it is hard for me to wait out a low or not rage bolus a high.  I want to get back to 100 mg/dL and I want to be there NOW!  Having Constance has helped me to see that my juice/insulin is working before I can confirm with a finger test, so I'm less inclined to over-correct.  But why can't I just sit here and trust the mediums to correct my blood sugar by themselves?  Is it my constant need to feel in control of all things?  (possibly)  Or is it my constant worrying about something at all times, and when my blood sugar is acting up it goes to the front burner on my worrisome mind?  (definitley)  I know that having diabetes has made me a better person, but I'm not sure that it's made a more patient one. 

35 minutes later, and I'm at 92 mg/dL with a north arrow.  Patience . . .

I need one of these to push while I'm waiting on a low.