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Thursday, January 12, 2012

Safe.

Now that I'm halfway done with my pregnancy, the idea of someone calling me "Mom" one day has me a little weak in the knees.  I'm feeling extremely maternal lately, from choosing our daughter's future pediatrician and signing up for baby classes (why are there so many classes?!).  But one thing is for sure:  I love her already.  And there's one thing I want her to feel above anything else:  

Safe.  

Safe with me, her dad, her whole family.  But most of all, I want her to know that she is safe in God's arms.  This world is a scary place.  It even starts out being scary before she even gets here because she has a diabetic momma, though I doubt she's even aware of that fact right now.  But I am.  And whenever I feel scared and vulnerable due to a high blood sugar or a scary low and what effect it might have on her, I remember one thing:  I am in charge of very little when it comes to her growth.  Yes, she's inside me and healthy mommy =  healthy baby and all that, but I've been floored with how little this pregnancy has to do with me.  

The God that created this universe is in charge of my very small girl.  He's the one that gave her her little heartbeat at that first ultrasound appointment.  He's the one who's made sure that she is thriving despite my setbacks.  And I know that despite my best control, He could take her away from me tomorrow.  Scary, and humbling.  She is a gift everyday I have her, and I want to engrave it on her heart that God loves her (more than me).  She will always ALWAYS be safe under His umbrella.  

That's how I describe my Christian faith when people ask.  If I lost everything today--my job, my house, my husband--I would still have enough because I have Him.  It's that indescribable peace that makes it OK to cry into a pillow all night long and wake up feeling comforted.  I've been in situations where I've felt that way.  In a not-so distant past (pre-D), I felt that exact feeling after some not-so great decisions on my part.  I prayed to simply be back in His loving arms, happy to be the single, crazy cat lady for the rest of my life.  But He chose to bless me with an amazing man that I don't deserve and a wonderful life that's 180 degrees from where I was. 

And that brings me back to the title of this post.  When I got pregnant, my song of choice to soothe me during those high blood sugar/stressed out fits was "Safe" by Phil Wickham.  The whole song is amazing, but the chorus is what really gets me and is my personal lullaby to her during those times.  

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

To my little girl, my prayer for you everyday is that you find a safe place in Him.  Your dad and I are going to do our hardest to make sure you see Him through us, until you're old enough to find Him for yourself.  And Dear God, please help me not to screw it up! 

God is my refuge and strength, my very present help in time of trouble. (Psalm 46:1)  

9 comments:

  1. beautiful! and i love that song! :)

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  2. Amen!

    Very well written! You aren't alone in these feelings. As a fellow T1 momma-to-be and Christian, I've worried about what my blood sugars are doing to her and I've reassured myself that God has a plan for all of us. He will keep her with Him, whether that means taking her from me or not. She's in the best hands ever. :)

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  3. I love that song! It makes me feel the warm-fuzzies every time it comes on the radio.

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  4. I told you I wasn't going to read this, and I did anyway. *sniff sniff* I don't know where to begin. Single cat lady -- (dogs in my case) -- yes. That's where I am in life, but you already know that. This song has been a saving grace for me lately. And it's funny you mentioned your answer to people regarding your faith because I found this verse today in 1 Peter 3: "But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect." (v. 15) This post was tremendous Holly! I'm praying for your pregnancy each day! Your blog is part of your ministry, and this post was just that. I'm so thankful we are friends.

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  5. Congratations on your pregnancy (I have been way behind on my blog reading)! I am also a T1 (for 26 years) and I too am expecting my first baby (also a little girl :) ) due 5/30! I have enjoyed reading your recent posts and it seems like we are both going through the exact same things which is comforting in a way. Best of luck with everything!!!!! - Schuyler

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  6. I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.
    ~ 1 Samuel 1:27 from NIV

    *You prayed for her, and He blessed you with her.*

    I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made
    ~ Psalm 139:14 from NIV

    *She is fearfully and wonderfully made, just as you are, because He made her.*

    The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace
    ~ Numbers 6:24-26 from NIV

    When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
    ~ Prov. 3:24 from NIV

    *She will be safe, always. God blessed you with her because He knew you would do a wonderful, great job of raising her.*

    Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. ~ Proverbs 22:6 from NIV
    *You'll do fine! I promise. You were brought up in faith as well, and I'm sure your parents weren't perfect, but you still made it ok. ;-) *

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  7. I LOVE that song...and I love this post. <3

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  8. You've been nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award! See this post for details! http://faithsandahlphotography.wordpress.com/2012/01/16/the-versatile-blogger-award/

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  9. Holly, this is beautiful! thank you for sharing these thoughts, prayers for you and baby girl as your continue your pregnancy, jenn

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DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, nurse, certified diabetes educator (CDE) or any medical professional of any kind. (But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express!) Therefore, please do not use any of my postings as medical fact. I am simply a blogger expressing my highs and lows (pun intended) with diabetes. For changes in your medication, exercise regiment, or diet please consult a qualified physician.

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My name is Holly and I live in north Alabama with my hubby, two cats, and a dog.