Safe.

Now that I'm halfway done with my pregnancy, the idea of someone calling me "Mom" one day has me a little weak in the knees.  I'm feeling extremely maternal lately, from choosing our daughter's future pediatrician and signing up for baby classes (why are there so many classes?!).  But one thing is for sure:  I love her already.  And there's one thing I want her to feel above anything else:  

Safe.  

Safe with me, her dad, her whole family.  But most of all, I want her to know that she is safe in God's arms.  This world is a scary place.  It even starts out being scary before she even gets here because she has a diabetic momma, though I doubt she's even aware of that fact right now.  But I am.  And whenever I feel scared and vulnerable due to a high blood sugar or a scary low and what effect it might have on her, I remember one thing:  I am in charge of very little when it comes to her growth.  Yes, she's inside me and healthy mommy =  healthy baby and all that, but I've been floored with how little this pregnancy has to do with me.  

The God that created this universe is in charge of my very small girl.  He's the one that gave her her little heartbeat at that first ultrasound appointment.  He's the one who's made sure that she is thriving despite my setbacks.  And I know that despite my best control, He could take her away from me tomorrow.  Scary, and humbling.  She is a gift everyday I have her, and I want to engrave it on her heart that God loves her (more than me).  She will always ALWAYS be safe under His umbrella.  

That's how I describe my Christian faith when people ask.  If I lost everything today--my job, my house, my husband--I would still have enough because I have Him.  It's that indescribable peace that makes it OK to cry into a pillow all night long and wake up feeling comforted.  I've been in situations where I've felt that way.  In a not-so distant past (pre-D), I felt that exact feeling after some not-so great decisions on my part.  I prayed to simply be back in His loving arms, happy to be the single, crazy cat lady for the rest of my life.  But He chose to bless me with an amazing man that I don't deserve and a wonderful life that's 180 degrees from where I was. 

And that brings me back to the title of this post.  When I got pregnant, my song of choice to soothe me during those high blood sugar/stressed out fits was "Safe" by Phil Wickham.  The whole song is amazing, but the chorus is what really gets me and is my personal lullaby to her during those times.  

You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

To my little girl, my prayer for you everyday is that you find a safe place in Him.  Your dad and I are going to do our hardest to make sure you see Him through us, until you're old enough to find Him for yourself.  And Dear God, please help me not to screw it up! 

God is my refuge and strength, my very present help in time of trouble. (Psalm 46:1)