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Sunday, November 14, 2010

I Didn't Move

Today is World Diabetes Day!  When I was thinking of what to write for a post for this day, I thought back to a significant Sunday last year.  Last fall, when the health care swing was in full debate, my pastor did a great sermon about not relying on man to fulfill our needs, but to rely on God.  The message was great, but what really got to me was the closing invitation.  My pastor asked if anyone had a chronic condition, cancer, or even the sniffles that they wanted to have prayed for to come to the front for the staff to pray for them. 

I thought about going down, but my hands stayed clenched to the pew in front of me.  I don't know why I didn't walk down, but I continued to sing the song the music minister was leading.  Then singing led to just mouthing, and before I knew it tears were streaming down my face.  Then I was full on crying.  Forget crying, I was sobbing, snot running down my nose, Blair Witch-esque bawling.  I could feel the eyes of the congregation on me, then Trey's arm around my waist.  I hadn't really "come out" to my Sunday School members around us, so they didn't know why I was so emotional.  In reality, neither did I. 

It's not that I don't want a cure, I do.  But at that moment I felt the extreme presence of God wrapping His arms me and giving me strength in that moment.  I felt strength in being diabetic, and I didn't really understand why.  That's why I didn't move that day, because I felt God telling me that I was meant to have this disease, for His glory. 

It wouldn't be until a year later that I would really understand why.  My pastor was preaching another sermon on healthcare titled "Why God Doesn't Heal".  And the highlighted scripture was 2 Corinthians 12: 7-10: 

 7And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.
 8For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.
 9And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
 10Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

I love these verses by Paul, especially the "thorn in the flesh" in verse 7.  Some historical theologians believe his "thorn" was blindness, some believe it was leprosy, some even believe it was even a nagging wife!  But I believe that he left it as an ambiguous analogy for a reason so that anyone can insert their own iniquity into the passage.  But I love the phrase "thorn in the flesh" in particular because it reminds me of the literal thorn canula in my flesh. 

But most of all, I love the whole theme of the passage because it tells me that I am a stronger person for having diabetes.  Physically, I am a little weaker because I have a broken pancreas, but my soul is stronger for it.  And so are all of you, members of the DOC.  I love you and feel so blessed to "know" all of you through this disease.  I hope you find strength on this day, World Diabetes Day, and everyday. 

7 comments:

  1. Thank you Holly. This is beautiful.

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  2. This really blessed me. Thank you for sharing. :)

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  3. Great Bible verse...thank you Holly! A very moving moment for you, and post for me to read. :) I also agree with you: as frustrating as it can be at times, diabetes is a huge part of who I am and I embrace that part of me and recognize how it has shaped me into who I am today. Very good post for World Diabetes Day- thanks!

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  4. Great post and Bible verses!
    Thanks for sharing Holly!!!

    I'm a big fan of your blog :)

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  5. Hey Holly
    I am a newcomer to your blog and this post hit very close to home for me. Thank you for sharing it. With many D related complications I still struggle with the faith/diabetes thing and in particular God's healing hand. Once again thank you for sharing I look forward to seeing you around.

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DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, nurse, certified diabetes educator (CDE) or any medical professional of any kind. (But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express!) Therefore, please do not use any of my postings as medical fact. I am simply a blogger expressing my highs and lows (pun intended) with diabetes. For changes in your medication, exercise regiment, or diet please consult a qualified physician.

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My name is Holly and I live in north Alabama with my hubby, two cats, and a dog.