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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Know Thine Enemy

Smoke filled the air as the general puffed his cigar, facing his troops in a hunter green tent.  The weather outside was rainy, flashes of lightning were echoed by faint sounds of thunder.  The soldiers gazed at their leader, awaiting their orders. 

"Troops, we have a battle ahead of us.  It's not going to be easy.  I'm fulling expecting a wave of the enemy to come upon us all at once." 

He moves to a white board located in the center of the room and pulls a marker from the tray. 

"The first wave will include a surge of biscuits, smothered in butter.  Butter is their weakness, though, it will slow them down enough to give us time to attack.  Then will come a series of casserole-type vegetables including creamed corn and sweet potatoes covered in marshmallows.  I'm thinking we'll set a temporary basal to defend their attack, then we'll shoot them with a series of square boluses over and over.  They'll never know what hit them!" 

He closes the pen and begins pacing back and forth. 

"I've been told through our secret intelligence that the enemy has a weakness for smoked turkey.  This is our saving grace.  Smoked turkey will slow down their insurgence tremendously, giving us time to focus our attention on the biscuits, corn, and potatoes." 

A young soldier stands up and asks the general, "Sir, but what about the cranberry sauce?" 

"You can't handle the cranberry sauce!" the general screamed as thunder and lightning echoed his voice.  "The sauce nearly did us in last year, so we took that weapon out of their arsenal through special ops several months ago."

Silence filled the room, except for the rain which made soft drumming sounds on the tent roof.

"Now, they may or may not have dressing.  This is a wild card because it's filled with crushed breading and chicken.  I'm thinking a normal bolus will be the best attack, followed by a square bolus to finish them off.  This is also known as a dual wave bolus." 

The tired general sighed, took a puff from his cigar, and took a seat in front of his troops. 

"Now soldiers, I'm an experienced man on the battlefield, but there is one enemy I have yet to defeat.  One tool in their weaponry, I must admit, scares the living daylights out of me.  And that is the monster known as triple chocolate fudge cake." 

A collective gasp from the troops harmonized with the thunder outside.

"Yes, this monster keeps me awake at night, fearing for my life and yours.  I've tried a temporary basal, a normal bolus, even a dual bolus.  But nothing seems to work." 

A young female soldier gracefully stands to her feet, her name was a Constance.  A new recruit with the gifted ability to see the enemy coming before their attacks can penetrate.  "Sir, I could take post in the tower, and radio you when the monster is coming.  You can tailor your plan for the monster according to what I see." 

A grin stretched across the general's face. 

"Troops, let's prepare for battle!" 

7 comments:

  1. I absolutely love this! I feel there should be more to say, but that about sums it up!

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is wonderful! May I copy it, giving you credit for sure!1

    Ressy

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for a smile on a long day!! :) Hilarious...

    ReplyDelete
  4. @Ressy: Send me an email at arnoldandme at gmail dot com. We can talk there. Thanks! =)

    ReplyDelete

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My name is Holly and I live in north Alabama with my hubby, two cats, and a dog.